


Stop the World Cause I Wanna Get Off With You

by blueygreen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst and Humor, Boys Kissing, College/Mechanic AU, Drug Use, F/M, Family Drama, Family Secrets, Gay Male Character, Homophobia, Human!Castiel - Freeform, Humor, M/M, Masturbation, Mechanic Dean, Mechanic Dean Winchester, Mutual Masturbation, Self-Acceptance, Underage Drinking, college!Sam, mechanic!Dean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-14
Updated: 2014-05-21
Packaged: 2018-01-24 17:47:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1613867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueygreen/pseuds/blueygreen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is a mechanic, working to put his younger brother Sam through college. After being left broken hearted after a break-up, Dean attempts to distract himself with booze and women, that is until Sam brings home his classmate for study group, Castiel…<br/>College/Mechanic AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so this is my first time writing fanfic so um, sorry if there are mistakes/inconsistencies, feel free to let me know if there are any and I'll fix them up. ALSO please note I'm Australian and this is set in America (obvs).. Ive never been and all I know about the country is what has been presented in popular media/internet. I did my best to research, but I might have the college holidays/schooling system etc wrong. I know that I completely missed Thanksgiving right at the start but I didn't know how to go back and incorporate it once I'd realised what I'd done.. I'm really sorry about that, I know it's a big holiday in the states but I hope you can look past it.. and I think there might be some Australian slang in there too, I've re-read it a few times and had some friends read it too, but we're all aussie so something might've escaped us haha  
> Anyway, please have a read and let me know what you think :)

Dean’s eyes swept the bar looking for tonight’s potential one night stand. A group of leggy blondes crowded around a table nearly, occasionally shooting fugitive glances at his brother and himself. _Easy prey,_ Dean mused to himself.  
“Here you go boys,” The bartender winked at Dean as she placed their drinks and change on the bar top in front of him and Sam. She was cute, with a long brown ponytail, shorts that showed off her tan lean legs and a decent rack. Dean gave her a coy smile back, bringing the cold beer to his lips.  
“Please do not tell me you dragged me out so you could pick up a bartender,” Sam groaned after he’d watched the exchange and the bartender had moved on to serve other waiting patrons.  
“I dragged you out to be my wingman, not judge who I may or may not pick up,” Dean shot back, smacking his lips. The beer was going down way too well.  
“Whatever man, just make it quick ok? I got a shit ton of homework, I don’t wanna be waiting around for some bar girl to knock off,” Sam muttered, taking a pull from his own beer, “Besides, it’s not like you really need my help, you’ve been doing just fine on your own. Haven't been able to get a decent night sleep with all giggling coming from your room,”  
“Think of it more as moral support,” Dean replied, already draining his beer and gesturing to the cute bartender for another. If he was being honest with himself, Dean just wanted a little company, he was already sick of scouring bars for a lay by himself. Besides, it was nice to hang out with Sam for a bit, even if it was just a pretense for picking up. They’d both been so preoccupied lately, Dean felt like he hadn’t really seen his brother for a month, despite them sharing a two bedroom apartment. Sam had been so head down, ass up studying for his upcoming midterms, he could probably use a little physical relief himself.  
Dean, however, had been attempting to distract himself from his recent break up. It had been a little over a month since it’d ended and Dean was more upset over it than he’d like to admit. He’d spent the first few weeks tormenting himself with questions. What had he done? What had changed? Everything seemed to be going so well. Sick of himself moping around like a heartbroken high school girl, Dean had thrown himself into booze and meaningless sex. And he’d had no trouble finding willing participants for the latter. So far, it seemed to be working. The dull ache in his chest was lightening and he found himself experiencing less and less flashbacks of the slight Louisiana accent and deep blue eyes. He was lying to himself though, if he said he didn’t still miss Benny..  
Dean shook his head, he’d been trying to avoid saying that name out loud and internally. Benny had been a big first for Dean, in many ways. He realised back in highschool that it wasn’t just girls that did it for him. He’d caught himself looking at some of his teammates just a little longer than necessary in the locker room, but managed to keep these strange new feelings to himself until he’d dropped out. After a few drunken flings throughout the years, Dean had come to terms that maybe he did swing both ways, but still wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea and certainly wasn't about to go admitting anything to anyone, least of all Sam. Although when Benny starting staying the night and wasn’t sleeping on the couch, it didn’t take long for Sam to figure it out. “You’re so much of a slut, it doesn’t really surprise me one gender isn’t enough for you,” Sam quipped when Dean had finally admitted it to him. But Benny was the one who had helped him realise that just because he felt this way about men, it didn't make him any less of a man. Benny had been as masculine as they come, strong build, facial hair, a love for hunting, definitely not your typical metro, self appearance obsessed persona he’d come to expect with openly gay and bi guys. Benny had taught him a lot about what it could mean to be bisexual and how little it really did change. And Dean thought he really had felt something real with Benny, he was more of a best friend with benefits than boyfriend (Dean still wasn't entirely comfortable with the term). And Dean had thought Benny had felt the same way about him too, until…  
“Hey there,” a female voice purred nearby, pulling Dean out of his reverie, “I know this may sound a little… Well a lot, forward and uh, corny, but I have not been able to stop looking at you since you walked in,”  
Dean turned to counter with his own equally cheesy line and best alluring look (he knew well his green eyes could lure them in within a few strategic sentences) but was pulled up short when he saw the brunette with curls falling down her back and full red lips was standing in front of Sam.  
“Uh, thanks,” Sam was glancing between the beer bottle in his hands and the girl’s low cut top,  
“My name’s Ruby,” the girl held her hand out to him, which he shook awkwardly,  
“Uh, Sam,”  
Dean rolled his eyes, of course that line would work on his geeky albeit freakishly tall brother. Dean tapped Sam on the shoulder and gestured to the table of blondes nearby, Sam nodded and quickly turned his attention back to Ruby who had already wrapped an arm around his.  
 _Well,_ Dean thought to himself as he sauntered over to the now openly starring women in front of him, _at least this won’t take much effort._

“Hey, uh, do you mind calling me a taxi?” The dark blonde girl who’s name Dean could not remember asked as she gathered up the rest of her belongs. She stood above him, half dressed, with her shoes and bag in her arms.  
“Sure,” Dean muttered through his headache. God, his mouth was dry. He called a taxi on his mobile and hoisted himself out of bed with effort. He pulled on some boxers and led the way out of his bedroom, into the kitchen.  
“Want some water or something, uh..?” What was her name? Beth, Ella, something like that..  
“Thanks,” She accepted the glass from him, taking a sip and watching him over the rim with light blue eyes. Maybe that’s why he’d picked her out of all her friends. Dean was beginning to think he had a thing for blue eyes.  
“Here, write your number down, maybe we can catch up another time..?” Dean held out a pad and pen. She smiled and scribbled her name and number down. ‘Bela’ she’d written. Oh, so he’d been kinda close. Outside there was a honk.  
“Oh, that must be for me! Thanks again for last night, I had a lot of fun, maybe hear from you again soon?” Bela gave Dean a quick peck before dashing out the door. Well, that was simpler than some of the others had been to get rid of. He turned back to the kitchen to fix himself some breakfast. He could do with some bacon and eggs, but given the state of his head, he’d settle for cereal.  
Dean was flicking through tv channels and contemplating opening a beer when Sam came staggering out his room. For a college kid, Sam rarely drank and didn’t handle the aftermath all too well.  
“How’d you go with that little brunette number last night, Sammy?” Dean called as Sam shoved some bread into the toaster.  
He saw Sam grin to himself before turning to face his big brother,  
“Yeah, uh, good.. She’s here right now”  
“Oh ho, way to go Sammy!” Dean whooped. His brother studied way too hard, he definitely deserved a little physical gratification  
“She’s a really nice girl though, Dean, we talked a lot,” Sam gushed with wide eyes.  
Dean narrowed his, “Did ya do anything?” He wiggled his eyebrows, Sam threw him a disgusted look, pulling spreads out of the fridge. “Yes, if you must know,”  
“All the information I wanted little bro,” Dean got up off the couch and headed back to his bedroom. “Gonna go down to the workshop for a few and run some inventory,” he called between pulling on a shirt and jeans.  
“I’ve got some people from my mythology class coming round tonight for a study group,” Sam stuck his head into Dean’s bedroom, toast in one hand, a carton of juice in the other. “We’ll probably order some takeout, I’ll save you some,”  
Dean pulled on his favourite khaki jacket, “See you then Sammy,” he attempted to ruffle the mop of stupidly long hair on Sam’s head, before heading out the door.

The Impala purred as he pulled up the workshop that had once been scrap parts junk yard owned by Dean and Sam’s surrogate father’s and real father’s good friend, Bobby. Bobby had past away five years ago leaving it to Dean, who had turned it into a classic car restoration workshop, giving the high school dropout a purpose to work towards, as well as a good money spinner to fund Sam through the rest of highschool and now college. Dean was really proud of himself, that he’d managed to turn this once higglety pigglety junk yard, into an organised workshop and a job that Dean really enjoyed and was good at. Bobby had taught Dean all he knew and after Dean had successfully revived the rusty and falling apart ‘67 Chevy Impala (the only thing of worth their alcoholic father John had left behind) Dean knew what he wanted to do for the rest of his life. It hadn’t been an easy task, but after years of hard work, Dean now loved coming to work and running his own business, often coming in on weekends just to potter about. It was therapeutic to Dean.  
After going over inventory and sending off a request of parts list to his supplier, nodding his head along to AC/DC blasting on the stereo he kept in the workshop, Dean went over his customers for the week and how he planned to start off a few of the sorrier cases. Like a 1970 Plymouth GTX 440 that had been left to rot in a paddock for the last 10 years... 

He stopped to have a quick bite for lunch at 'The Roadhouse' diner owned by Bobby’s wife Ellen, sitting with her sixteen year old daughter Jo while he ate his burger. Jo harboured a small crush on Dean, although according to Ellen, would angrily deny it if mentioned. However her eyes would light up whenever Dean walked into the diner and would hang around him, retorting sarcastic remarks to anything Dean or Ellen, if the diner was quiet enough for her to stop and have a chat, said, calling Dean "lame" and "old" and rolling her eyes at frequent intervals. He'd first met Jo when he was fourteen and she was a chubby 4 year old in diapers and pigtails. Two years later his father died of alcohol poisoning and Dean dropped out of school to work for Bobby around the corner so he could pay for Sam to finish school. He'd basically been having lunch with Jo and Ellen since.  
After lunch, Dean gave his Impala (or Baby as he affectionately referred to her) a quick service and tidied up the work shop a bit, before deciding to call it a day. Hopefully Sam had already ordered dinner, he was hungry again already.

Dean came home to Sam and few other kids strewn across the living room amongst textbooks bearing symbols and medieval drawings of monsters. The two remaining half eaten pizzas lay in their boxes on the coffee table, which Dean made a beeline for.  
"Dean, hey! This is Rufus, Garth, Meg and Castiel," Sam pointed to a black kid, an incredibly gawky looking boy with a mop of hair to rival Sam's, a familiar girl with curly hair and round face and a guy wearing a neat button down shirt and slacks, in turn. "This is my brother, Dean," Sam introduced them.  
Dean nodded greetings to all of them his mouth already full but his eye caught on the well dressed boy, Castiel. He had messy dark brown hair, full lips and piercing blue eyes. He was also very very cute. Yeah don't even think about it, Dean chastised himself, perhaps don't fuck one of your kid brother's classmates. But he already had thought about it. In a manner of a seconds, Dean had already managed to picture this quiet, innocent looking boy, bent over the side of the couch, ass red and presenting to Dean and tied up to his bed, naked and waiting for whatever Dean wanted to do to him.  
Dean cleared his throat, "Anyone want a beer?"  
He headed back to the kitchen, a ripped off pizza box lid laden with slices in hand. Castiel had been staring a Dean with wide eyes looking shit scared since Dean walked into the room. Dean didn't want to act on impulse and do something to truly intimidate the guy. Like grab the back of his neck and press those pink full lips against his. Jesus, hadn't Dean gotten laid just last night? Where was this coming from..  
Sam followed Dean into the kitchen, grabbing some beer bottles from the fridge after Dean had helped himself. Dean twisted the top off of his and leant against the benchtop to face Sammy.  
"Go to The Roadhouse for lunch?" Sam asked popping the caps off with a bottle opener.  
"'Course. Ellen said to get your ass down there and say hi"  
"Jo still making puppy eyes at you?"  
"Shut up," Dean flicked his beer bottle cap at Sam as he walked back to the lounge room with the beer laughing.  
A few minutes later, Castiel came into the kitchen. "Uh, Sam said to help myself to any drinks," Castiel stated with a surprisingly gravelly voice.  
Dean held his hand out to the fridge, "By all means,"  
Castiel opened the door and leant down to study his choices. Dean busied himself with another piece of pizza and studying Castiel's bent over ass.  
"Not a beer fan, eh?" Dean asked when Castiel had straightened up with a soft drink in hand.  
“Erm, not really. My parent’s never really let me drink..” Castiel shifted his weight from one foot to the other looking uncomfortable. Dean wondered idly if it was him making this kid so uncomfortable or if he was just this awkward in general. He made a mental note to ask Sam a bit more about this guy.  
“Well, no parents around now. There might be some cider or something in there.” Dean didn't know why he wanted to keep talking to Castiel, but he did. Castiel shrugged, “I don't know, I probably shouldn’t drink while we’re studying,”  
Dean chuckled, “Everyone else is, here try a sip of mine,” he offered his beer to Castiel, who, after a slight hesitation, took it and brought it to his lips. Dean inhaled sharply watching Castiel’s full pink lips wrap around the bottle top. In his minds eye, he replaced the beer bottle with his own cock. Dean tried to discretely adjust himself, things were getting a little tight in the front of his jeans. Castiel handed the bottle back, swallowing with a grimace.  
Dean laughed out loud, “Still not keen on it? I guess it can be a little bitter if you’re not used to it,” Castiel nodded in agreement. Dean took a swig,  
“Not a big talker, hey?” Castiel shrugged, Dean laughed again.  
Then, Dean caught Castiel’s eye, and it was like they locked or something. Neither of them could look away, like their were communicating something vital to each other through their stare. Dean felt like he was being consumed, swallowed by the deep, bright blue of Castiel’s eyes. The air seemed to be getting warmer around them, they both leaned in slightly, their noses only a few inches apart. God, his eyes were so… _blue._  
“Castiel! What are you doing in here?” Sam walked into the kitchen but stopped abruptly when he saw the staring competition that Dean and Castiel were currently locked in. He gave them a quizzical look before continuing  
“Um, we need your opinion on some symbols, I swear they’re Eronician but Meg and Rufus are adamant it’s not,”  
“Err, yeah of course” Castiel turned to follow Sam back out of the kitchen, but not before giving Dean a last glance.  
Dean shook his head. He was still a little hungover, he’d have a shower (best make it cold) before heading to bed for an early night.

***

Castiel didn’t really know Sam Winchester that well, but had seen him plenty around campus. He was good looking and also very tall, so he wasn’t hard to miss. Sam was popular and studied hard, he was top of the Mythology class they had together, second only to Castiel himself. So he was a little surprised when Sam lopped over to him and his best friend Meg after class last week and invited them over to his place for a study group.  
“It’s always good to hear other’s opinions,” he’d explained to them, “It opens you up to interpretations you wouldn't have previously considered. I’ve invited Rufus and Garth too, it’ll be fun!” He gave them a huge grin then lopped off again, standing easily a foot taller than most of their classmates. Castiel didn’t want to go at first, but Meg coaxed him into it.  
“Come on, it could be a good chance to make some new friends. You can’t spend your entire college life talking just to me and Uriel (his dorm mate). C’mon, _socialise,_ ”  
That bristled Castiel, it was something his mother said to him a lot growing up. But Meg didn’t know that, it wasn’t her fault, Castiel barely talked about his overbearing, very religious family. That’s why he’d moved from Illinois to Kansas to study. He wanted to escape. In the end, he gave in to Meg’s persistent persuasion, and that’s how he found himself sitting on Sam’s worn out couch, eating pizza with his classmates, talking about their interpretations on various mythical creatures cira the 1800s. He was really starting to enjoy himself too, actually participating in the conversation.  
Then the most beautiful man Castiel had ever seen walked suddenly into the room, stunning Castiel into a breathless silence. He was a little shorter than Sam, but still tall, taller than Castiel. He had fine features, prominent cheek bones, closely cropped brown hair which was a little longer on top and green eyes. He walked over to the pizza boxes in the middle of the room, grabbed a piece and shoved it into his mouth, not giving any of them a second glance. It was like Castiel couldn’t breathe, all he could do was helplessly stare at this man who in a matter of seconds had reawaken feelings Castiel had spent the last fourteen years trying to smother and ignore.  
He was seven when he realized things with him weren’t right. His older brother Gabriel has asked him who, out of the two actresses of some tv show they had been watching, he thought was prettier. Castiel had pointed at the leading male actor. Gabriel told him that was wrong, he wasn’t suppose to think that boys were pretty. Gabe had promised not to tell anyone else, but he must have because sometime later, their eldest brother Michael had came to see him and told him that liking other boys more than friends was a sin and he would go to Hell if he didn’t stop thinking like that. Castiel had been so scared, he tried his hardest not be the way he was. But he couldn't help it. These thoughts would come to him no matter how hard he tried to think of girls, no matter how hard he prayed at night. Maybe that’s why Castiel had started to lose his faith.  
“Dean, hey!” Sam said, dragging Castiel out of his thoughts, “This is Rufus, Garth, Meg and Castiel. This my brother Dean,"  
Dean nodded at them all, chewing his mouthful, but his eyes seems to catch on Castiel. Castiel felt like he’d been set on fire under his gaze. It took all he could not to turn away. Then just as suddenly, Dean had walked from the room, offering them beer, taking half a pizza with him. Sam followed him into the kitchen and came back, handing open beer bottles to everyone.  
“Um, I don’t really drink,” Castiel said quietly when Sam offered him one.  
“I’ll have his too,” Meg quickly grabbed the beer from Sam’s outstretched hand.  
“That’s cool man,” Sam said easily, “Help yourself to anything in the fridge,"  
Castiel walked to the kitchen praying it was empty. Shit. Dean was leaning against the bench, opposite the fridge. Castiel walked over to him, a little unsure of himself.  
"Uh, Sam said to help myself to any drinks," he voice came out a little rougher than he intended.  
Dean gestured to the fridge causally, “By all means,”  
Castiel bent down hyper aware that Dean was watching him. He felt like he could feel Dean’s eyes on his back. Castiel grabbed the first thing he saw, a soda and straightened up to face him.  
"Not a beer fan, eh?"  
“Erm, not really. My parent’s never really let me drink..” That was an understatement.  
“Well, no parents around now. There might be some cider or something in there.” God, how juvenile Castiel must seem to him. He tried his hardest not to blush.  
“I don't know, I probably shouldn’t drink while we’re studying,” Fuck, what a stupid thing to say. He was trying _not_ to seem juvenile, remember? Castiel glowered at himself.  
Dean chuckled, his bright green eyes crinkling in the corners as he did. Castiel felt himself swooning.  
“Everyone else is, here try a sip of mine,” Dean held his beer out. Castiel really did hate the taste of beer (Meg had gotten him to try it a few times at parties she’d managed to drag him to) but if he could place his lips where Dean’s had been just moments before, he’d take that opportunity. He took a tiny sip, trying to ignore the bitter liquid in his mouth and concentrate on the taste on the rim of the bottle, a slight sweetness from Dean’s lips. He handed the bottle back to Dean, who eyes had been on him the entire time Castiel was taking a drink, his eyes growing intense, darkening in colour almost.  
Dean laughed as Castiel swallowed, “Still not keen on it? I guess it can be a little bitter if you’re not used to it,”  
Castiel nodded. How could someone be that could good looking? It was unfair.  
“Not a big talker, hey?” Dean questioned between laughing and sipping his beer. Castiel shrugged, what else could he say? He’d already made a big enough fool of himself by opening his mouth, he didn’t want to worsen his situation by saying something else stupid. Castiel thought himself a clever person but in Dean’s presence it seemed he was a blathering mess. Dean was laughing again, and then atmosphere around them seem to change. They were staring at each other intently, intensely. Castiel was getting breathless again, he leaned in the same time Dean did. Castiel was getting lost in the greenness of Dean’s eyes.  
“Castiel! What are you doing in here?” Sam’s voice made Castiel jump, he dropped his gaze from Dean and turned to a confused looking Sam,  
“Um, we need your opinion on some symbols, I swear they’re Eronician but Meg and Rufus are admit it’s not,”  
“Err, yeah of course” Castiel reluctantly followed Sam out of the kitchen, not before glancing back at Dean who was watching him go. Castiel felt out of sorts as he sat back down on the couch next to Meg. What had that been about? Did Dean feel that strange heat Castiel did in the kitchen? Castiel only half paying attention to the conversation for the rest of the night. He heard the shower run (Castiel felt very alert, thinking of Dean naked separated from sight by only a few thin walls) and then a door close. He was kind of disappointed he wouldn't be able to catch a last glimpse of Dean before he left.

On the way back to his dorm, Castiel asked Meg about the Winchesters. Meg had moved here when she was ten and was in the same grade as Sam throughout school. Meg told him about the fire that killed Sam and Dean’s mother when Sam was just a baby, Dean had been five. Their father John, unable to cope with the loss of his wife, turned to alcohol. John managed to drink himself to death about a year after Meg had first moved and Dean dropped out so he could work and support Sam. Castiel didn’t know how to feel. Both men seemed very happy and well adjusted despite their tragic pasts. He felt disgusted at himself for being ungrateful of his family. Sure, they were a little much sometimes, but they loved Castiel and he’d never wanted for anything (save a little freedom and acceptance) growing up. There had always been someone to support him, financially, at least. As Castiel was laying in bed, drifting off, he thought he’d never met anyone as selfless as Dean. What a hopeless crush he was developing, he thought to himself, Dean would never see anything in Castiel.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean woke abruptly the next morning. His dream had been so vivid. He’d been engulfed in flames, every inch of his skin burning. Then someone a gripped him tight and raised him from the fire and heat, the areas of skin being held by this creature cooling immediately. He had tried to get a good look at his rescuer, but all he could make out was large black wings, wide and beating keeping them safely above the flames below, messy brown hair and bright deep blue eyes.  
Dean swung his legs over the edge of bed and sat with his head in his hands trying to recall more of his dream, but it was like trying to hold water in his hands, the details slipping away until he could barely remember anything. He couldn’t shake the unsettling feeling that the angel (was it an angel? He was sure it was. Although it was unlike any angel he’d seen before) from his dream was the boy in the neat pants and shirt that Sam had had round yesterday. What was it about him? Dean hadn’t felt this caught up over someone since, well, Benny… And Dean had only met him once!  
It was Sunday and all Dean wanted to do was lounge around doing nothing before the big week ahead of him. On days like this, he and Benny would sometimes go for a long drive in the Impala, maybe stop somewhere to eat. They would just cruise around, sometimes go for a hike or fishing along a peaceful river.. Dean groaned out loud, just when he thought he was getting over Benny, he would reminisce like this again. He got up and walked into the kitchen, finally feeling up to cooking the bacon and eggs he wanted yesterday. The smell of fried food brought Sam out of his bedroom and they ate together, chatting idly about the workshop and Sam’s midterms which were starting that week.  
“So, uh, what’s the deal with that Castiel kid?” Dean tried to ask nonchalantly. It didn’t work, Sam looked up sharply, scrutinizing his older brother before answering, slowly, carefully..  
“I don’t really know him that well. He’s the top of our Mythology class, I thought it’d be cool to invite him round. He seems nice enough, pretty quiet though.. Why? What were you guys doing in the kitchen?”  
“Nothing… Talking about beer,”  
“Uh huh, yeah… Didn’t really look like that to me,” Sam got up from the table, carrying their empty plates to the sink. “He spends a lot of time with Meg, but I’m sure they’re just friends. As far as I know, she’s dating this Crowley guy. I haven’t really seen him hang around anyone else..”  
Sam spun around to face Dean, “Why?” he asked again, “You interested in him?”  
Dean pulled a face and tried to come off as surprised at Sam’s accusations, “What? No, the guys just seemed tense… Uncomfortable. I don’t know. Just wondering what his deals was,”  
Sam continued to stare at Dean with a smug smile. Trying to change the subject Dean asked,  
“What are you doing today, anyway?” It worked, Sam’s smile turned bashful.  
“I thought I’d go and hang out with Ruby for a bit, you know, the girl from the other night?"  
"Uh huh. Hey, don't you have a test tomorrow?"  
Sam pulled his best bitch face, "Weren't you just telling me Friday night to loosen up?"  
Dean could vaguely remember saying something along those lines but the exact wording was escaping him right now.  
"Don't get your knickers in a twist, it's just a question!" Dean held in hands up in surrender.  
"What about you?” Sam still sounded a bit huffy.  
“Think I might just veg out today, got a big week ahead of me,”  
After Sam left, Dean settled down in front of the TV, preparing for a marathon of his (secret) favorite TV series, _Dr.Sexy M.D._ , he was a little behind in seasons and needed to catch up. While waiting for the main menu to come up on the screen, Dean rested his feet on a textbook left behind on the coffee table and couldn’t help but wonder what another certain blue eyed college kid was up to today.

***

After waking from a weird dream (Castiel couldn’t remember much of it, but he was sure the dream contained a lot of flames, green eyes and something about wings or flying) Castiel tried to study for his midterms, he honestly did try, but after reading the same sentence five times of his Ancient Literature textbook, he gave up. Castiel sat on his bed looking frustrated around his cramped dorm room. His dorm mate Uriel was out with friends and Castiel didn't even have Meg to talk to, she was with her boyfriend Crowley, a british boy who often dressed entirely in black and answered only to his surname (His first name is Fergus, so Castiel hardly blamed him). Meg had invited Castiel along, but Crowley often made snide remarks about Castiel’s relationship status or lack of. Castiel thought that Meg might’ve let slip about his sexualality to Crowley, although Meg denies it, Crowley’s comments hit a little too close to be entirely uneducated. Castiel was yet to come out to anyone besides Meg. He was only coming to terms with himself. After years of oppression, telling himself that was what he was feeling was wrong, he was finally accepting that maybe this wasn’t a sin. With Meg’s encouragement, pointing out plenty of his classmates that were comfortable and very open about their sexuality, Castiel didn't feel so awful when those thoughts cropped up anymore. However, as as much progress Castiel had made, he wasn’t ready to let anyone else know just yet, least of all his family. Castiel didn’t think he’d be ever ready to let them know. He rummaged around his bag looking for his Mythology textbook, thinking he’d go over his notes while they were still fresh in his mind, before realising that he’d probably left it at Sam’ yesterday. Castiel texted Meg asking for Sam’s number, when she replied, Castiel called the number praying that Sam was home. After a few rings Sam picked up.  
“Hello?” Castiel could hear music and a female voice in the background.  
“Hi Sam? It’s Castiel, I think I left my textbook at yours yesterday,”  
“Oh, hey Castiel! I’m not, uh, at home at the moment… But go round, Dean might be there, or he might’ve gone to the workshop. I’m not sure. But there’s a spare key, under the pot plant in the hall. Just let yourself in!"  
“Oh ok, thanks Sam,” Castiel felt slightly uncomfortable at the prospect of entering Sam and Dean’s home without them there, but he really did need his textbook.  
“Cool, talk to you later Castiel!” Sam said cheerfully before hanging up.

It wasn’t that far of a walk to Sam and Dean’s, Castiel retraced his steps from his walk back to his dorm with Meg last night. When Castiel reached the apartment complex that they lived in, he climbed the stairs to their level, located the spare key under the potted plant next to their door and let himself in.  
He could hear voices and froze, but it wasn’t Dean’s voice.. He walked slowly towards the living room, seeing the tv on and relaxed. He glanced down at the coffee table and froze again. There was a pair of feet sitting on top of his textbook on the table.  
“Hey Sammy, can you get me a beer?” Dean’s voice rang out from the couch in front of him.  
“Uhh, it’s not Sam,” Castiel muttered, he was nervous as hell. He’d just let himself into their house while Dean was sitting unaware on the couch, clad only in his boxers. Fuck, Castiel couldn’t help but stare. This man was more beautiful without his clothes on. Probably from the hard labour he did during the week, Sam had said something about a workshop. Castiel wondered what Dean did for a living. Castiel watched Dean’s arm and stomach muscles flex as he whipped around to face Castiel, with a startled expression.  
“Oh shit! Cas, you scared the shit of me,”  
Castiel dragged his eyes back up from where they'd been fixated on Dean's torso to meet his impossibly green eyes. Cas? Castiel felt something warm blossom in his stomach when he realised that Dean had given him a nickname.  
"Sorry Dean, I didn't mean to frighten you. I left my textbook here yesterday and I really need it. I called Sam and he told me where the spare key was and told me to let myself in. Sorry," Castiel's explanation came out all in a gush.  
Dean smiled at him and the knot that had been building in Castiel's chest while he'd been talking instantly loosened.  
"It's all right. It wouldn't happen to be the book I'm currently using as a foot rest, would it?"  
Castiel nodded. Dean swung his legs off the coffee table and leaned forward forward to grab the book. Cas was again mesmerised by the taut sinews of Dean's back as he passed the tome to him. Castiel took it from him, trying to catch his breath.  
"Would you like a drink or something?" Dean offered. Castiel shook his head furiously, he could already feel the blush creeping up his face. His imagination was getting the better of him and Castiel felt transparent as glass, as if Dean could see the various positions Castiel was putting him in in his mind's eye.  
"I really should be studying. Thanks Dean, bye," Castiel managed to force out before practically bolting out the door.

***

Dean stared at the door few moments after Castiel had disappeared through it, slightly confused. That kid seems wound way too tight. Dean was sure he could help him relax, if Cas would let him. Cas. Dean mulled over the petname. It had come out so easily, without any premeditated thought. It suited him, he hoped Cas didn’t mind Dean was referring to him on such familiar terms. This occasion being the second time they’d ever met.  
Dean had actually been thinking about him when Cas had arrived unexpectedly, his thoughts drifting away from the characters arguing on screen, back into the kitchen yesterday. He was reminiscing they way Castiel looked with the beer bottle in between his lips and his eyes, so wide and blue, staring at Dean, looking innocent and bewildered. Dean could feel himself hardening in his boxers. He was idly palming his growing cock through the material, thinking about Cas on his knees in front of him, his mouth hot and wet. Then he heard the front door open. Dean sat up abruptly, half obscuring his erection with a cushion.  
“Hey Sammy, can you get me a beer?” Anything to stop Sam from busting in on him. They’d caught each other in compromising positions before. It was inevitable with two men living in such close quarters. But with what was on TV, Dean wasn’t keen on what it would look like.  
“Uhh, it’s not Sam,” a voice just behind him stated. Dean nearly jumped out of his skin. It was the exact voice he’d just been fantasising muttering his own name.. Just behind the couch stood Cas, looking more ruffled and unkempt than he was yesterday. Was it possible for one person to look adorable and incredibly sexy at the same time? Cas had apparently come for his textbook, which was currently propping Dean’s feet up. After Dean had handed it over, he offered Cas a drink. Maybe they could play out the fantasy Dean was just having moments before. Given Sam’s reaction this morning, maybe his younger brother's classmate wasn't as out of bounds as Dean had first thought. But Cas had flushed, a deep crimson colouring his pale cheeks and shot out the door like he’d been electrified. Dean sighed and slumped back into the couch, cranking the volume on the TV up. Looks like he’d have to take care of himself after all. The colour of Cas’s cheeks when he blushed was delicious. Dean pulled back the elastic of his boxers and wrapped his fingers around the head of his quickly inflating cock. If he hadn’t been there himself, he never would have guessed he’d spent the last three weeks having nightly flings. Why was he feeling so pent up and horny if he’d been getting laid consistently? What was this kid doing to him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've written a fair amount of this fic, let me know if you want more ^_^
> 
> Thanks for reading!! Xx


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was suppose to post this last night, sorry! Hope you enjoy :)
> 
> Thank you so so so much for all comments and kudos, I really appreciate it!! You're all so lovely with your kind words, I was pretty self conscious about my writing when I first wrote this, you've all given me so much more confidence :) xx

By the end of the week, Castiel was exhausted. After his final midterm, Cas went back to his dorm and collapsed on the bed, looking forward to sleeping as long as he liked, without the thought of impending study and exams hanging over his head. Just as he was beginning to drift off, his phone started buzzing in his bag, jolting him awake. He fumbled around for it and pressed it against his ear,  
“So, are you done? How’d you go?” Meg’s voice demanded through the speaker,  
“Uh, ok I think. Whenever it feels easy, I've probably done it all wrong,” Cas groaned, he was really trying not think about all of the previous week’s tests. When he got his results back, that’s when he would let himself stress about it. For now, he just wanted to let himself escape into the sweet nothing of sleep.  
“Yeah, I doubt that.” Meg continued bluntly, “You’re such a fucking brainiac, if you fail your mids, _I’ll_ blow you,”  
Castiel cringed, “Please don’t do that,”  
Meg laughed, “Ok, so what are you doing now? Abbadon’s having a party tonight, you’re coming.”  
“Meg, I don’t know. I’m pretty tired, I’ve got to go home next week, I need to start preparing myself for that.” Christmas was coming up and Castiel would be heading home for the holidays. He was dreading it.  
“What better way to prepare than to get absolutely shitfaced and maybe even make out with a cute guy?”  
Castiel sighed. Getting shit faced did sound good, but there was only one cute guy Castiel wanted to make out with and he had green eyes and was five years his senior.  
Cas had managed to keep Dean out of his thoughts while he had his exams. After he’d gotten home on Sunday, he caught himself day dreaming about running his hands over Dean’s toned body. However, after quickly jacking off in the shower (masturbation was still a fairly new concept to Castiel, it didn't take him very long to finish, especially now Dean was the centre of his fantasies) he was able to concentrate. And he’d managed to abstain from thinking about him during the mid terms but now his exams were now over and there was nothing getting in the way of Castiel thinking about him as much as he wanted.  
“Hello? Castiel, are you still there?”  
“Uh, yeah sorry Meg. Um, I dont know.”  
“Cas, you’re coming. Crowley and I will pick you up at 7. Be ready.” The line dropped.  
Castiel sighed. He’d let slip to Meg that Dean has called him Cas and now Meg wouldn’t refer to him by anything else. He was a little upset at himself for telling her now. Castiel liked having a nickname from Dean. Something to convince himself that Dean saw Cas more than just his younger brother’s classmate. But if he was being honest, he knew he would be getting his hopes up for nothing. Dean was 26, successfully ran his own business (he’d managed to quiz Meg about the Winchesters some more, although, at the cost of Meg now being aware of his unrequited crush) and was heartbreakingly beautiful. What would he see in a scrawny college kid, who had been pushed so far back into the closet by his closed minded family, even a year and a half after escaping his childhood home, he still felt residual guilt after indulging in his fantasies. Castiel let out a deep breath and sank back into his bed. He would worry about everything later, for now he just wanted to sleep.

***

Dean was watching _Dr. Sexy_ again and nursing his first beer when Sam called. Between studying, sitting his midterms and spending more time with Ruby, Sam was hardly home the previous week and Dean had basically had the place to himself. It was beginning to show too. The sink was getting choked with dishes and the laundry basket was over following. Dean had nudged aside empty beer bottles and old take out containers strewn across the coffee table with his feet to make room to rest them on the table top.  
“Deeean, can you come get me?” Sam slurred through the phone.  
“Where are you?” Dean chuckled, Sam smashed was a rare commodity and it was hilarious.  
“Some party at the dorms. Please, I’m wasted,”  
After getting the address from Sam, Dean cruised over. It wasn’t hard to see where the party was. Kids spilled out over the lawn in front of the dorms, a faint thumping coming from inside. They were people passed out in the grass amongst empty bottles and discarded cups, couples entwined under nearby trees. Dean spotted Sam standing on the path leading to the dorms, propping someone up against the hand railing. Dean parked a safe distance away (no one was throwing up on his baby), and crossed the street to meet his brother.  
As he approached, he recognised the messy dark hair of who Sam was supporting. Relief swept Sam face when he saw Dean.  
“Hey, I just found Castiel. He's more gone than I am." Sam smile was lazy and he was having trouble focusing on Dean, but at least he able to stand upright. Cas on the other hand was slumped over, Sam's hand pushing him against the railing the only reason was he wasn't on the ground.  
“C'mon, let’s get him to the car,” Dean and Sam got under each of Cas’s arm and walked him to the waiting Impala. As Dean was loading Cas into the back seat, Sam’s phone chirped. When Dean was finished arranging Cas into the most comfortable position he could put him in, he straightened up to see Sam’s drunken lopsided grin.  
“What?”  
Sam ran his fingers through his hair, “Do you think you could drop me off at Ruby’s?”  
“You haven’t spent enough time with her already?” Dean raised his eyebrows.  
“I just wanna see her,” Sam whinged, which simultaneously annoyed and softened Dean.  
Just before Sam got out of the car in front of the share house Ruby was living in, Dean asked him where Cas lived.  
“Uhhh, it’s the dorms closest to our place. Ask Castiel, I think he’s coming around,”  
They both glanced back at Cas, spread eagle on the back seat, his head lolling about.  
Dean turned back to Sam, giving him an incredulous look. Sam shrugged and jumped out of the Impala before Dean could protest any further. After a few unsuccessful minutes of trying to get Cas to answer his questions, Dean decided to just take him back to his. _Lucky my days are spent lifting heavy car parts,_ Dean mused to himself as he lugged the dead weight of Cas up the stairs and inside. He dumped Cas on his bed, taking his shoes and jeans off, leaving him with a bucket and bottle of water next to the bed. Dean liked the look of Cas curled up in his bed in his underwear and watched him a few moments just to etch the sight into his memory for later.  
Just as Dean was leaving the room Cas muttered, “I didn’t know you had freckles,”  
Dean spun around, Cas’s eyes were open, unfocused and bloodshot but still as blue as ever,  
“What?”  
“Freckles, all over your nose. They’re perfect,”  
Cas sighed and buried his face into Dean’s sheets, tucking one of the pillows between his legs.  
Dean couldn’t help the grin on his face as he crashed on the couch and drifted off.

***  
Cas cracked opened his eyes, glanced around the unfamiliar room before sitting bolt upright so fast it made his head spin. _Where the fuck was he?_ He looked down at himself, he was wearing his t shirt, underwear and socks. His shoes and jeans were laying on the floor. There was a bottle of water next to the bed. He grabbed it and gulped down several mouthfuls. His throat and mouth felt as if they were lined with sandpaper and his head about to split into two. He was wriggling back into his jeans when he noticed the bucket, which was thankfully empty. Someone had taken care of him last night. He couldn’t remember much after doing shots with Meg. Even that was a little fuzzy. He poked his head out of the door and relaxed as he took in the now familiar lounge and kitchen in front of him. He was at Sam and Dean’s. Maybe he bumped into Sam at the party and he took him back here. He could sort of remember Sam’s face, but under what circumstances, he had no idea. Cas glanced back into the room, it didn’t look like the bedroom of a student, there were no textbooks or even a desk. And no Sam. Could he be in Dean’s room? Cas crept into the lounge and saw Dean laying on his stomach on the couch, one arm curving down, hand resting of the floor. He was still alseep. Cas went back into the room, Dean’s bedroom, that much was confirmed, and sat back down on the bed. Dean’s bed. Cas had slept in Dean’s bed. Who had put him there? Was it Dean who had put him to bed and taken off his jeans and shoes? Cas’s stomach turned. How he wished he’d been conscious for it. Dean probably thought of Cas as an idiotic child, getting written off at parties and needing to be taken care of. Cas’s face burned with shame. How did he always end up making a fool of himself in front of Dean? Cas really hadn't meant to get that drunk last night. He was having a pretty good night to begin with, Crowley was even being nice to him. Then Luc had turned up. Luc was Meg’s ex. Meg had been pretty cut up when he ended it with her and it was made even worse when Luc got together with Meg’s best friend at the time, Lilith. Meg had yelled obscenities at Luc (thankfully Lilith had not accompanied Luc to the party) and then Crowley and Meg got into a fight, something about how Meg “still cared” for Luc. Or at least that’s what he managed to make out from a sobbing Meg once Crowley had angrily left. Meg collected herself eventually, before deducing she and Cas would get “fucked up”. Castiel had agreed to downing shots and whatever else Meg had pressed into his hands, to appease her. He rarely saw Meg in tears, she was so brash and outspoken and put together, it was unsettling to see her so emotional. Then things started to get hazy. Cas wracked his memory, trying to piece together how he had ended up here. He could remember wanting fresh air and walking outside, he didn't know where Meg was when this happened. Then Sam’s face and reassuring voice, an arm around his shoulders. Then streetlights slipping past, throwing light into the cab of a car, the smell of leather upholstery. Then suddenly, very clearly, he could remember Dean’s face. Very close to his, green eyes flecked with brown and a smattering of freckles across his nose. Strong fingers fumbling at his jean buttons. Heat shot down his stomach into his crotch at the memory. Cas groaned and buried his face into his hands. Why couldn’t that have happened under different circumstances.  
Noises were being made on the other side of the door, the clank of metal against metal, the sizzling of something cooking. Then the door opened and there stood Dean, looking a little rumpled (probably from spending the night on the couch) but perfect.  
He grinned at Castiel, eyes crinkling, “Hey! I was wondering if you’d woken up. How’re you feeling? I’m cooking breakfast,”  
Castiel smiled meekly back, his voice rougher due to his hangover, “I’ve felt better. Thank you for last night,” He gestured to the bucket and water bottle, “And sorry. You shouldn’t have had to sleep on the couch.”  
Dean waved his hand in dismissal. “It’s fine. You needed to sleep it off. You were pretty out of it.”  
Dean walked out of the room, Castiel trailing behind him into the kitchen. There they stood on opposite sides of the room, leaning against the benches, mimicking their positions when they'd first met, observing each other.  
“Still,” Cas tried to keep his thoughts coherent, not an easy task given the man standing in front of him, “I really appreciate it. I didn’t want to be a burden,”  
“Stop,” Dean said, he took a step closer to Cas. He was finding it difficult to draw a breath in.  
“I really didn’t mind,” Another step closer, there were only inches between them. Dean reached out and touched Castiel’s arm. It felt like it had been set alight. Dean's voice was very low, “I wanted to,”  
Then Dean closed the space between them and pressed his lips against Castiel’s. His lips were rough, chapped but also soft at the same time, they brushed lightly against his own, igniting goose bumps across his skin. He felt Dean’s hands come up to clasp the back of Castiel’s neck and tug at his hairline. Cas sighed slightly and opened his mouth just a tiny bit. Tentatively, he swept his tongue along Dean’s bottom lip. Dean groaned and pressed himself flush against him. Cas could feel those glorious muscles he’d spent the previous Sunday daydreaming about against his length of his body. Their tongues met and softly brushed against each other. Cas bought his hands up and cupped Dean’s face, so beautiful it made Cas’s heart hurt. Their kiss was deepening and becoming more urgent, rougher, when the front door flew open behind them. Dean pulled himself away and turned to the door just in time to see Sam walk in. Sam stopped just as suddenly as he walked in and gawked openly at Dean and Cas. Cas felt like his entire being was engulfed in flames. Half from the kiss he’d just shared with Dean and half from the shock and shame of Sam seeing him like this.  
Before anyone could say anything, Cas blurted “Thanks again for taking care of me last night, Dean”, pushed past Sam and out the door he’d just come through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love hearing what you think so please leave a comment! Thanks for reading! :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arghh, this is the last chapter I have already written! I have to start writing again!
> 
> Thank you all so so much for reading this and giving kudos, bookmarking and leaving comments!!!! xx

Dean inspected the knife he’d just inserted in the rhubarb and apple pie. It could use a few more minutes he decided. After putting it back into the oven to finish cooking, he collapsed down onto the couch and watched Sam finishing up wrapping the small amount of gifts they were giving this year. Tonight they would be heading over to Ellen’s to share a Christmas Eve roast dinner Jo and Ellen cooked every year and having Dean’s pie for dessert. It was a tradition that they had been participating in since before John or Bobby or anyone had died.  
“Are you giving “Cas” a present?” Sam asked with a smirk, air quoting when he said Dean’s nickname for Castiel. Dean had accidentally referred to Castiel as Cas once and now Sam wasn’t letting it rest.  
“Shut the fuck up,” was Dean’s only retort.  
Sam dissolved into laughter. Ever since he’d busted in on him and Cas, Sam had been unrelenting in teasing Dean about it. Dean had denied that anything had happened (Sam technically didn't see them kissing) but he doubted that Sam believed him for a second. He didn't really know why he was denying it so adamantly. It’s not like Sam cared whether Dean was making out with guy, Benny had been proof of that. If he was being honest, Dean was kind of hurt over Castiel’s reaction. He had bolted again. Dean thought at first maybe Cas didn't want Dean the way Dean thought he did, but Cas had kissed back. He knew that much, the memory of Cas’s tongue rolling against his was still fresh in his mind, despite it happening over a week ago. Was it because Sam had walked in? Dean was sick of himself dwelling over it. This was second time Dean had been rejected by as many guys and his ego was hurting a bit.  
Later that evening, Dean drove Sam, the pie and the presents through the light sludge of snow that fell overnight to Ellen and Jo’s place just a block away from their diner. Charlie, Ellen’s niece greeted them at the door, a Santa hat placed jauntily on her head.  
“Ho ho ho, bitches!” She exclaimed pulling them both down into hugs and giving them face fulls of her wavy red hair. Charlie’s mother, Ellen’s sister had died in a car accident with her husband not long after John had died and Charlie had come to live with Ellen, Bobby and Jo. Charlie was basically their sister, although they didn’t see her as often as they used to as she had moved away for college and was currently living there with her girlfriend Dorothy. She was a year younger than Dean but wildly successful. Her and her college classmate, Kevin Tran, had created a WWII zombie apocalypse game for their own entertainment which they shared with a few friends. It spread like wildfire through their school and eventually became so popular it was picked up by a major gaming company. She and Kevin now had their own gaming development company, hardly a year after graduating.  
After a kiss from Ellen and an eyeroll from Jo, Dean carefully placed the pie in the warm oven while Sam unloaded the bundle of presents under the small tree that had been used for as long as Dean could remember. It was definitely on it’s last legs, only a few twig like branches left with a scattering of leaves feebly clinging on, amongst a worn smattering of decorations. Dean loved it. It was a broken tree to match his broken family. Broken but fiercely loved.  
After stuffing themselves with an assortment of roasted vegetables, chicken and finally Dean’s pie, Charlie poured them each a glass or two of eggnog. Dean was watching Jo slowly drift off on the couch, empty cup in hand, probably feeling just as tipsy, warm, full of delicious food and comfortable as he was, listening to Ellen and Sam half-heartedly bicker about the length of Sam’s hair, when Charlie nudged him,  
“So, who’s got you all hung up?” She wiggled her eyebrows at him, Dean recognised his own move when trying to weasel information out of someone.  
“No one,” he mumbled before draining his glass and staring down into it. He definitely needed to move onto something harder than eggnog. He glanced around the room for the bottle of fine whiskey Ellen sometimes let him have a glass of on special occasions.  
“Suuure, that’s why you’ve been sulky all night and keep staring longingly out the window,"  
Ignoring her, Dean got up and walked over the heavy glass bottle he’d spotted perched high on a bookshelf. He poured a generous amount of amber liquid in his glass and tipped some into his mouth, relishing the burn as it made its way down his throat.  
“I have not Charlie, shut up,” Dean’s eyes flicked over to watch the snowflakes gently floating past his reflection in the glass of the window. He hadn’t been able to keep his mind from drifting off to Cas, wondering who he was spending Christmas with and it was beginning to piss him off. Why was this kid always on his fucking mind?  
“Dean,” Charlie laughed, “You’re doing it right now!”  
“His name is Castiel,” Sam chimed in,  
“Shut the fuck up, Sam,”  
“No, Dean. You be quiet and I’ll have none of that language in my house, thank you,” Ellen told Dean sternly, smiling slightly. She turned to Sam, “Who’s Castiel?”  
Dean glowered at Sam, willing him to heed his wishes and shut the fuck up. Sam positively beamed back.  
“He’s this guy in my Mythology class. He came round to our’s for a study group a few weeks ago and it’s been infatuation at first sight,”  
“What does he look like?” Charlie asked glancing from Sam to Dean,  
“I don’t know, he’s got dark hair and blue eyes,” Sam shrugged, eying off the bottle still clutched in Dean’s hand.  
Ellen nodded knowingly and Charlie said “Aahhhh,”, Jo snored quietly, oblivious. Dean envied her that.  
“What?” He asked suddenly feeling jumpy.  
“Darlin’, you’re a sucker for blue eyes,” Ellen winked at him,  
“I am not!” Dean huffed indignantly,  
“Always have been, always will,” Ellen walked over to the sleeping Jo and half carried/walked her into the hallway leading to her room. Sam took the bottle from Dean and poured less than Dean had into his own glass and offered it to Charlie. She accepted it and said, “You should send him a “Merry Christmas” text,”  
“No,” Dean said flatly,  
“Come on, why not? He’s been on your mind, let him know,”  
“I don’t have his number anyway,” Dean grinned feeling triumphant,  
“I do,” Sam’s voice was already heavy with alcohol after a few sips.  
Both Dean and Charlie turned to look at Sam slightly stunned,  
“Yeah. He left his textbook at home," Sam’s eyes were beginning to droop, "And he called me to get it."  
“No, Charlie” Dean told her seriously. Charlie smiled sweetly back.

***

Castiel was laying on his back on his childhood bed when his phone vibrated with a new message in his pocket. He pulled it out and squinted at the little screen.  
“All I want for Christmas is Castiel Novak,” it read. Castiel glanced around his bedroom as if the sender was sitting in the room. Was someone messing with him? He’d experienced this kind of bullying before. But the messages had generally been along the lines of “faggot” or “queer” from a few of his old classmates. Castiel had done a pretty good job of hiding his inclination through high school so it wasn't until towards the end that they had cottoned on and he hadn't had to endure it for very long. He scrutinised the message again. He didn't recognize the number it was from. Should he reply? What would he say? There was a soft knocking on his door and his younger sister Anna stepped into the room with their nephew, Bart Jr, cradled in her arms. Michael and his wife Hael had flown in so that their eight month old would be able to spend his first Christmas with his namesake grandfather, Bartholomew and the rest of the Novak family. Anna was seventeen, slight with fiery red hair and a junior at the same Christian high school Castiel had attended.  
“Michael and Balthazar are arguing again,” Anna said rolling her eyes and placing Bart Jr gently on the bed. He looked up at them with wide innocent eyes and gurgled softly. As innocent as he was now, Castiel knew that with Michael as his father, he would grow to share the same intolerance as him. Michael had pulled Castiel aside when he first arrived home from the airport and asked him seriously how he was feeling.  
“You’re not still having any urges are you? No indecent thoughts?”  
Michael had asked him this every time Castiel had infrequently seen him since Michael had moved out when Castiel was thirteen.  
“No Michael, I’m fine.” Castiel had flatly replied and pushed past him. He’d managed to avoid being caught alone with Michael since. Which was thankfully a lot easier due the household being fuller than usual. Balthazar had come home for Christmas too, the first time since he had graduated high school. Balthazar hadn’t attended the same high school as Michael, Gabe, Castiel and Anna. When Balthazar was fifteen (Cas had been eleven) Balthazar was sent to boarding school. No one ever talked about why he moved and Castiel could not imagine what Balthazar could've done to be sent away. Gabriel had constantly gotten into trouble in school for pulling pranks and talking back to teachers but he was never sent to boarding school. Balthazar had been a straight A student, it still didn’t make sense to Castiel.  
“Where’s Hael?” Cas asked her. Between Anna and their mother, Naomi, Bart Jr had barely been in his mother’s arms since they arrived.  
“She went with mom to go get some last minute things, I don’t know,” Anna shrugged, “I don’t see why we have to be stuck at home, if Gabe gets to go out and see his friends, why can't we?” She pouted and softly poked Bart, making him giggle.  
Gabe had hardly been at home since he had arrived, busy catching up with high school friends who were also home for the holidays or hadn't moved away. Christmas was for “family” Anna had been told when she had asked to see her friends. This hardly bothered Castiel, he didn't have any old friends he was interested in seeing. Anna, however, was complaining constantly.  
“I mean it’s not just that I want to see my friends, I kind of have a boyfriend,” She admitted, shyly watching Castiel.  
Cas stared at Anna. His baby sister had a boyfriend. Little Anna-banana who he would tell silly jokes to when she was crying because one of their older brothers had lost patience with her.  
“He’s so nice, Castiel, I wish you could meet him. Mom would love him,” Anna rolled her eyes again, “If she would let me date before I graduate. It’s so stupid, Samandriel studies so hard and he even goes to church every Sunday with his parents! Which is more than I can say,” She laughed, “I faked sick last week,”  
“I would love to meet him, if the opportunity arises,” Castiel was glad that Anna was happy, that she had someone. Being back home brought back memories of feeling alone and confused. He was glad she wasn’t having the same experience as him. He felt more at home in Kansas than he ever did here although he often missed Anna.  
“What about you? Are you and Meg…?” Anan trailed off, Castiel had told her a little about Meg when sharing stories with her from his time in Kansas. Castiel shook his head,  
“No, she’s just my friend. She still seeing her boyfriend, Crowley,” Meg and Crowley had made up, Castiel had spoken to her earlier that day to exchange “Merry Christmas”s.  
“I’m sure you’ll find someone soon enough,” Anna smiled brightly at him.  
Castiel nearly told her everything then. About how he had been feeling since he was seven, about the way he sometimes caught Michael looking at him, like Castiel had a disease that Michael could catch, about Dean and how he felt when he thought of the kiss they had shared in his kitchen. But she was looking at him so happily, she had been so excited when he first gotten home, hugging him tightly and telling him how much she had missed him. He didn’t want to lose that. He wanted to always be her older brother to make her laugh when she was upset. So he said nothing, just smiled weakly in return.  
Just before dinner, Castiel went outside to collect more firewood at his mother’s request. As he was making his way back from the shed where his father kept the pre-chopped wood, he thought he could hear heated voices coming from the side of the house. He placed the wood on the back porch and leant against the side guttering to hear better. Balthazar’s voice rang out,  
“...still my brothers Michael. What was the point of coming home if I can’t speak to them? I bearly know who they are anymore, I’ve been gone for seven years!”  
“You saw them at my wedding,” Castiel heard Michael reply, Balthazar scoffed.  
“I was there for one day. That was three years ago. You don’t think they’re old enough to make their own decisions? Not that this was something I even decided.”  
“Castiel’s going through an impressionable stage. I don’t want him to be led down the wrong path,”  
“Are you suggesting I would lead him there? I’m gay Michael, I’m not murdering people.”  
“Enough. I’ve spoken about this already with our parents, Balthazar, they’re glad you’re home but you know they don’t approve of your… Lifestyle. Mom couldn’t handle having another one in the family..”  
“Another one? I’m not a fucking leper! We both know you turned mom and dad against me years ago, don’t do it to our siblings. I came home to spend time with them. Not so they would think I don’t give a fuck.”  
“We can’t afford for our family’s reputation to be tarnished again…”  
“Reputation? Tarnished? Are you fucking kidding me? You honestly care more what others think about us than our family itself?”  
“I care about this family, Balthazar, more than you think I do!”  
“You don’t. You just want to make sure that everyone thinks we’re a good little Christian family! You don’t give a fuck how we actually feel!”  
“And you think fucking men is the right way to feel? It’s a sin Balthazar! Don’t you care that you’re going to Hell?”  
“What fucking century are you living in Michael? How have you managed to stay so closed minded?”  
“You’ve been brainwashed. I thought that going to boarding school would have helped you,”  
“Helped me? I wasn’t sent there to be helped, I was sent away so that mom and dad wouldn’t have to deal with me. So no one would find out about me! I’m not the one who has been brainwashed, Michael. That institution you call a church has completely robbed you of the ability to think independently!”  
“That is exactly why I don’t want you talking to them! That way of thinking is dangerous, I don’t want you to jeopardize them,”  
“Jeopardize them of what? Getting into Heaven? You are ridiculous, I just want to know who they are as people. I’m not about to impart my ‘alternative lifestyle' onto them,”  
The back door opened and Naomi looked out at Castiel jammed between the guttering and the back wall of the house.  
“Castiel, darling, what are you still doing out here in the cold? Dinner is on the table. Have you seen your brothers at all? I can’t find Michael or Balthazar.”  
Michael and Balthazar were silent around the corner, Castiel was sure they had heard Naomi talking to him.  
“Sorry mom, I thought I saw something. I haven't seen them,” Castiel picked the wood back up and followed his mother inside.  
Dinner was an awkward affair. Michael and Balthazar took turns glowering at each other, then throwing worried looks at a silent Castiel. Naomi and Hael continued to try to start conversations that fell flat. Gabe was busy shovelling food into his mouth without taking a breath, Anna was feeding Bart Junior as Bart Senior quietly regarded his family, occasionally replying to one of Naomi or Hael’s prompts. Castiel mind was reeling over the argument he’d just overheard. Balthazar had been sent away to boarding school because he was gay. And Michael had known. Castiel didn’t think that either Gabe or Anna knew that was why, they were just as confused as him at Balthazar’s sudden departure. And Michael knew about Castiel. Is that why Balthazar was sent away? Because of what Gabriel had told Michael about him? Did Michael think that Balthazar had had some sort of influence over Castiel and that’s why he was the way he was? Would Castiel been sent away too if his parents had found out about him while he was in high school? Castiel really wanted to speak to Balthazar alone, but he didn’t know how possible that would be, given that Michael knew Castiel had over heard them.  
Castiel managed to convince his mother he was feeling unwell (he’d barely touched his food) and be excused from the table before anyone else had finished eating. He didn’t think he could stand to talk to his family right now. Castiel stayed in his room for the rest of evening, listening to his family members move around the house, slowly getting ready for bed. Castiel must have drifted off as he woke abruptly to a silent house. He checked the time on his phone, it was just past midnight. He couldn't recall much of his dream but if the lingering memory of green eyes and freckles were anything to go by, he could only guess it was of Dean, a reoccurring fantasy he'd been having since the kiss. The hardness pressing against his jean zipper only confirmed his suspicions. However, he usual release would have to be missed tonight. Even if his entire family was asleep, he wasn't going to indulge in his family home, in his childhood bed. Feeling restless, he decided to get some fresh air. He crept downstairs, pulled on his tan trench coat, a hand-me down from his father and stepped outside onto the front porch into the cold. He watched his breath form fog in front of his face for a few moments before turning to sit on the bench that had been there as long as Castiel could remember, only to see it was already occupied. Balthazar exhaled his cigarette smoke silently regarding Castiel for a beat before gesturing to the space beside him,  
"Have a seat, little bro,"  
Castiel sat, saying nothing.  
"You made quite the dash from the dinner table tonight. Something on your mind?"  
Castiel stared at his older brother. Surely Balthazar knew he had overheard his argument with Michael. Now was Castiel's chance to talk to him without the threat of being interrupted.  
"You were sent to boarding school because you're gay?"  
The words came out before Castiel could stop them. Balthazar's face froze, stunned, before a small smile spread across his face.  
"So you did overhear us then? Yes, Cassie. Our parents ever so graciously shipped me off when they found out about my dirty little secret. I guess they hoped I would reform. Fat lot of good that did though, sending your gay son to an all boys boarding school isn't exactly the best way to stop him from continuing to 'sin'."  
Balthazar air quoted on the last word, Castiel flinched at the description.  
Balthazar sighed, "I'm sorry. I know you might not be comfortable having a gay brother, but Cassie, it really doesn't change anything. I'm still the same person."  
His face was so open and pleading, silently begging Castiel not to judge him the way the rest of their family had, Castiel murmured, "I'm gay too Balth."  
Balthazar froze again, watching Castiel, mouth slightly ajar. Castiel couldn't stop the tears that sprang from his eyes. He'd never uttered the words out loud before, Meg had just figured it out, this was the first time he'd admitted it to anyone. He swiped at them before they froze on his face and turned back to the still silent Balthazar.  
"Do you think they would've shipped me off too if they had found out?" Castiel managed to get out before Balthazar enveloped him in a fierce hug. They sat on the bench for possibly two hours, talking about their family, their beliefs and how they had changed since accepting who they were and how ten years ago when Balthazar was fifteen, a seventeen year old Michael caught him kissing their neighbour's son Virgil behind the woodshed and had then managed to convince their parents to send Balthazar away with the argument he would "influence their younger siblings". Four years previously Castiel had admitted to Gabe that he had been attracted to the man on TV. Castiel was convinced that this was what Michael had been referring to. Despite Balthazar's reassurances, Castiel couldn't help but feel guilty, he was the reason Balthazar was sent away. Balth insisted that he would have been sent away anyway but Castiel couldn't shake the feeling that if Michael hadn't known about Castiel's attraction, Balth might've stayed at home. The issue probably wouldn't have been dealt with anymore compassion than it had but maybe he wouldn't be the stranger to his younger siblings as he was now.  
"You can't blame yourself for what happened, Cassie," Balthazar repeated to him, using the nickname that Castiel had despised growing up but now felt strangely comforting, "I was sent away because of Michael and our parents, not because of some random incident with Gabe!"  
"But because of that, Michael knows Balth, he always asks me if I have 'indecent' thoughts. I don't think Gabe's given it a second thought since, he's too wrapped up in himself, but I know that Michael knows,"  
Balthazar shook his head,  
"I'll never keep underestimating our eldest brother. He's why I was sent away, not you. I don't think the idea would have come to Mom and Dad without him,"  
They continued to talk until Castiel's teeth started to chatter and they agreed to head inside and to bed. As Castiel laid down again, he realised that he felt... Happy. Guilty still too, of course, but not so alone against his family, he now had an allies. Someone who understood him and how he felt. He also now knew his brother, who since he was eleven had become a stranger to him, now better than he knew the ones he had lived with until they moved out. Castiel smiled to himself in the dark, maybe these holidays wouldn't be as lonely and miserable as he'd first anticipated.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you guys think! I wrote this a little while ago and have become unmotivated to finish it. So I thought I'd post it and see if I get any response.. If you want to read some more, let me know! Thanks for reading this much :)


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